Dear forgotten diary,

I have a confession to make. You know, people sometimes feel so helpless and dont know which way they should go in life. I totally get that feeling right now. Im graduating (very soon) and I honestly dont know what I should choose for the next step.
If I were the past me I would totally say "Hack la I will just work for the rest of my life, I hate studying!". But now, Im having second thoughts (in fact its hundreds of thoughts). I dont know what is and will be my ideal job. I dont know what kind of permenant job will make me feel happy and interesting for the next few years. Also, working in the "free labours department" has made me realised that getting a diploma is not good enough to get a good job with decent pay.

Thus, I have decided to go for a degree. BUT what degree should I get?!?!?! I really hate it when I have to make these big decisions and I will start to become paranoid and panic for no reason. "What if I made the wrong choice?" "What if I cannot finish my degree?" "What if this is not what I want?" WHAT IFS WHAT IFS?!?!

Ok I feel better now. I love my family they rocks. Wanted to upload a photo but I got lazy.
BYEBYE my diary!!

Its been so long since the last time I log in to this blog!
Well I didnt mean to neglect it but Im not in the mood to blog for the first few months because of the break up. Anyway its all over now and Im attached for around a month now =) Im enjoying my dating journey now and I hope that my ex is doing fine too.

Im having my internship now at a dating service company. I really enjoy working there because I like the working environment and I love my colleagues! They are a bunch of fun and really nice people we had so much fun together. But sometimes things just dont go really smoothly and my classmate and I had problems juggling both our work and project at the same time. We have difficulty allocating time to do our project due to our unusual working time and of course we cant do our project during working hours even though the project is related to the company. I really hate to say this, but I have no motivation At ALL- both for my work and my project.

It is already very bad that we are not getting any pay and the unusual working hours which sacrifices our social life on weekdays. I felt so bad every time I turn down my friends when they ask me out because of my work. Honestly speaking, my one and only motivation is none other than my colleagues. I can never go through all these without them. I have worked so hard and did my best for the company. I even went the extra mile and went back to help out during weekends(and sacrificing my social life again), all because of that only motivation factor.

What really turned me off is that just a couple of hours ago my boss decided to make a selfish remark and demanded us to increase our working time by one more hour. Can we say no? Then what will happen to our final year project? Why didnt she try to understand our situation when we are already working for the company for free? What's more, my classmate is already struggling with money issues. We dont get paid, and she doesnt get allowance from her parents because she doesnt come from a well to do family. How is she going to survive for the next few months when our transport and food expenses are already so expensive? We are students mind you, it is already very surprising that she can support herself for the past few months through her savings- which is drying up and will soon be gone. I can never do it if I can only depend solely on my piggy bank.

Let's just say the cons out weights the pros by a hundred times. If we continue to work there, we will be the "free labours", we will sacrifice our social life, and MOST importantly we really have no time to do our project. It is already very depressing when there is an amount of stress during work and I have really reached my limit. I dont understand why she can simply comment that having no time for our project is none of her business when our project is based on the company which may benefit the company and of course we have to collect data from the company. If the company doesnt give us the chance and the time to do it, how are we going to pass our project? Yes Im talking about PASSING not aceing it. I am really, really disappointed. I suddenly have this very strong negative feel that Im being taken advantage of, HEAVILY taken advantage of in fact. I totally dont feel appreciated by the company at all. This totally took away the only motivation in me. I understand that being a small company, it is necessary for them to reduce costs as much as possible. But this is not the right way to do so. This is just like what one of the articles I've read a few days ago regarding companies exploiting interns for their own benefits. What is our school doing? What is the MOM doing? They shouldnt let the students do the free work! And they must really implement rules to protect all the interns please.

I am a very emotional person. A part of me still wants to be with the team but I cant continue this anymore. I dont want to fail my project and retain one semester because of this company. I dont want to feel unappreciated for the effort I've put in. I dont like to be treated as a free labour. Come on who in the world will like this?

I am going to use all means and methods I can to stop working and concentrate on the project. I dont care what contract or agreement there is between the school and the company, this is just too unfair to us interns. And I want to stop all these free labour nonsense. I dont want to see the next batches of final year students to be the next victims. I dont want my sister to put up with all these nonsense that Im going through. THIS SUCKS.
The harsh reality of life- TOTALLY UNFAIR.

its going to be 4am now and the reason why im not sleeping yet is because im going back to my kampong in around one hour!! :DD

yes it is 2am now and im supposed to be asleep.
but you know what? just when i was about to switch off my computer, i saw a gigantic cockroach crawling swiftly into my room!!!! i dashed to the kitchen for the heroic bygone and guess what??? IT IS TOTALLY EMPTY!!! THE LAST FREAKING CAN EMPTY!!!!
GOD THE HORRORS!!!!!!! >:((((((((
so i went back to the living room and took some newspapers and roll them into a rock solid stick and walked into my room. AND NOW THE COCKROACH IS PLAYING HIDE AND SEEK WITH ME!!!!! OMG OMG OMG I WONT FREAKING SLEEP IN MY ROOM TONIGHT!!!
IMAGINE THE ENORMOUS DIRTY BROWN DISGUSTING INSECT LAND ON ME WHILE I SLEEP! :OOOOOOOOOOO
no im not afraid of xiao qiangs. i merely hate them because they look hideous and their creepy crawler legs are mad disgusting. GROSS TO THE MAX AHHHHH!!!! HELP ME HOW DO I SLEEP TONIGHT I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT 7!!!!!!

i hope it wont hide inside my shopping loots omg i need to go rescue them now. i totally regretted going to expo. i cant believe i spent $2847938468139037 in one day. ahhhh my money!!!!! i shall not shop again, i should not shop again, i must not shop again!!!! i can literally feel my heart aching when i look at all the receipts =.=

ok shit i think i will sleep on the sofa now. mad tired omg the sofa so squeezy i wont get to have a good sleep. well at least i get to sleep in peace haha. i hope the stupid xiao qiang will go ding dong and kill itself by jumping down from my room's window.

ok bye.

i am busy doing projects recently.

i hate doing projects! why cant they just let us take exams instead!!! i still have one presentation, two projects and one group assignment left. plus all the tests and quizzes and the main exams before the semester finally ends.



i am quite contented with my life now(except the projects part haha). my classmates are still as funny as ever, and they are always there to cheer me up. my girlfriends are always just a phone call away and they are always there to share my worries, they are always there for me to hug and cry my heart out. my sister is always there to gossip with me about random people at home hahaha!

and my dad, he is the most wonderful father in the whole world. i felt so bad that i've neglected him for so long. he is the only guy in the world who will give me unconditional love and ask for nothing in return. how can i neglect him for other guys who have loved me and expected me to love them in return? guys come and go, but he is always there to protect me for the past 18 years. sometimes i feel that im a very bad daugther because i dont spend much time with him but he has spent so much time and effort to bring me up.

for the past 18 years i've been through a lot of ups and downs(and to be honest my life is a bit dramatic when i was young haha), and everytime i fall down he is the main reason why i am able to get up and continue my life with a smile. i would not be where i am now if not for him. i may be in heaven already or maybe i wont even be born into this world in the first place. he gave me strength and taught me how to be strong, be brave, be happy. he always turn my nightmares into sweet dreams. he is the most important person in my life. and i always smile to myself everytime i look at the spare phone hahaha =)

ok i need to stop now before i start to think about the past again and cry infront of the computer screen =.=

i love you dad, and i will love you more than any other man i meet along the way =)

YO im cuii =D
14/05/1991
TP BZE K806
currently attached to ♥samy tan♥